I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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