Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
