Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
