just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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