She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
