After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
