I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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