i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
