Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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