You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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