I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
