i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
