I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
