On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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