You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
