Your face is a jimmy john
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
