i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
