I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
