why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
