The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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