At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
