end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
