her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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