How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My penis needs a shock collar
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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