I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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