we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
