Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
