I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
