Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
