He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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