I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
