Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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