I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
