What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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