Swine flu. Run for my life!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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