a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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