Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize