he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
