Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
