one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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