Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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