i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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