This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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