I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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