No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
