I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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