So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
