I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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