if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
