I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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