Grow some girl-balls and come out already
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
