I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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