Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
