well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
