hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
