Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
