well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
